Family Ties
by Indian Summer 2378
Summary: At Voyager's welcome home party, Kathryn's and Chakotay's families surprise them with an unknown fact. Written for VAMB's Secret Summer exchange 2016.
1. Chapter 1

**This story was written for VAMB's Secret Summer exchange 2016. My recipent was bevfan and she requested a J/C story with a happy ending and added a list of the things she likes.**

 **Thank you, KJaneway115, for your help and beta-work.** **  
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 **No copyright infringement intended.**

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The large room was buzzing with excitement. The crew of the USS Voyager was home, and for the first time in seven years able to meet their families in person.

Kathryn Janeway watched from a secluded spot to see how her crew was coping. She saw Harry's mother crying when he stood in front of her, Ayala's expression of amazement and wonder as he had to raise his head to look at his sons' faces and Admiral Paris embracing his son and daughter-in-law while his wife took Miral in her arms, smiling brightly at the little baby girl.

Kathryn's heart soared with pride and a smile lightened her face. They were undeniably home.

"Kathryn Janeway!" a voice yelled suddenly louder than all the other voices. Immediately the noise died down and Kathryn squirmed as every person in the room turned their head surprised at the silver-haired, delicate woman who stood in the middle, hands on her hips, glaring at Kathryn. Kathryn returned the glare and was only barely aware that her crew stopped breathing and looked from one to the other in awe. "Don't you dare hide from your mother!" the woman exclaimed.

"I'm not hiding," Kathryn said firmly and raised her chin. For some seconds their eyes locked in a silent struggle of power until Kathryn's stern expression crumbled and changed into a wide smile and she rushed forward. "Mommy," she said, hugging her mother as tight as she could.

"Oh, Katie," Gretchen laughed through her tears. "You're here. You are really here."

The crew exhaled with a sigh and was now smiling wider than before while Kathryn nodded into her mother's hair, breathing in her unique scent.

"Katie!" a woman squealed and threw her arms around mother and daughter.

"Phoebe," Kathryn called out, surprised, taking her sister into her arms as well, squeezing her mother in the middle.

From the other side of the room Chakotay watched the blissful threesome. The attention of the crew shifted and only he saw how they entangled their arms and started to talk. Whatever it was they were talking about, they seemed to be excited and happy and especially Kathryn's sister Phoebe was literally bouncing. He knew Kathryn thought her sister was the attractive woman in the family, and she was indeed very attractive with her long, curly brown hair and her dazzling smile, though he couldn't tear his eyes away from Kathryn. To him she was the most beautiful woman in the room and he had never seen her smiling as she was in that moment.

"So this is the famous Kathryn Janeway," a calm female voice said from beside him.

Chakotay's insides did a flip-flop and he closed his eyes, relishing the sound of the voice. "From the stories I heard she must've been larger than life but she seems to have a pretty normal height to me," the woman said, amusement evident in her voice.

Chakotay smiled at her words, opened his eyes slowly and turned around to see chocolate brown eyes twinkling at him. "This can't be true," he whispered, shaking his head slightly.

"It is true," she said and he reached out, touching her face with his fingertips.

Tears were forming in his eyes. "Sekaya," he whispered.

"Chakotay."

In the blink of an eye he lifted her off the ground and swung her around. She laughed out loud and he laughed with her before he let her down slowly and pulled her into a hug.

"I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too."

He couldn't let go of her. The years apart were almost too much to bear and now that she was within his reach he couldn't let her go again, though at one point she patted his back and tried to pull away.

"I could use a little breath here," she said when he didn't let go.

He chuckled and stepped back, wiping his eyes. "Sorry."

"It's okay," she smiled. "It's good to have you back."

He returned her smile and nodded. "It's good to be back. So…," he looked around. "Where's my nephew?"

"He's not here. It would've been too exciting for a three year old. You'll meet him later today."

Chakotay nodded in understanding. "Three years, huh? It seems like yesterday that I received your letter and read that I became an uncle."

Sekaya laughed heartily and took his arm. "Enough small talk, _Uncle._ Introduce me to your captain!"

"Yes, Ma'am," he chuckled.

They made their way through the crowd arm in arm. Kathryn and her family had left the spot in the middle and were now standing at the side, still talking actively. Kathryn saw them approaching and their conversation ended.

"Kathryn, this is my sister Sekaya," Chakotay told her when they stopped next to the three Janeway women. "Sekaya, this is my captain," he said with a grin and got a nudge in his ribs by his sister.

"It's great to finally meet you…," Sekaya stopped, suddenly uncertain what to call her.

"Kathryn is fine," Kathryn smiled warmly and shook Sekaya's hand. "It's great to meet you, too. Chakotay told me a lot about you."

Sekaya glanced at Chakotay but he didn't bother to tell her what exactly he had told Kathryn.

"Chakotay, this is my mother…," Kathryn introduced her and Chakotay reached forward, shaking Gretchen's hand. "… and my sister."

Chakotay turned to Phoebe and saw her longing, smoldering glance and chuckled to himself. "Hi, I'm Phoebe," she said in a low, sultry voice and before he could shake her hand she hugged him fiercely, her body molding against his.

Chakotay didn't know if he should be flattered or embarrassed. "Nice to meet you," he said, trying to sound polite but couldn't stop himself from grinning widely. Kathryn rolled her eyes; her sister hadn't changed a bit in those seven years.

After endless seconds, Phoebe pulled back, a wicked grin on her face. Gretchen had enough of the show and chimed in. "Tell me, Chakotay, what are your plans now that you're home?"

He glanced at Kathryn but her face was suddenly impassive. "To be honest, I don't know. It still seems unreal to be back."

Gretchen nodded with a wistful smile at her daughter. "I know what you mean."

"I hope to be able to spend time with my sister and get to know my nephew."

Sekaya looked questioningly at Gretchen. "There's no question about it," Gretchen said and touched Sekaya's arm comfortingly. "I never thought differently," she assured her and Sekaya smiled, relieved.

Both Kathryn and Chakotay frowned, confused, but before either of them could ask what this was about Sekaya addressed Kathryn. "I hope you don't mind?"

"Of course not," Kathryn answered automatically. "You don't need to ask me if you want to spend time with Chakotay."

Sekaya smiled gratefully and Kathryn's and Chakotay's frowns deepened.

"Then it's settled," Gretchen said happily. "Chakotay will come with us."

"With us?" Kathryn asked wide-eyed. "With you?" Chakotay said in the same moment, his jaw dropping.

"Yes," Gretchen nodded, not quite understanding why they acted so surprised. "If you want to spend time with your sister and nephew you need to come with us," she said matter-of-factly.

"Why?" Chakotay asked dumbfounded.

"You know that I live in Indiana…," Sekaya told his brother.

"You're living in Indiana?" Kathryn asked, her eyes still wide with surprise and confusion.

"Yes, I'm living at your mother's place." Sekaya looked from one to the other. "I told Chakotay in my letters."

"No, you didn't," Chakotay replied.

"Of course I did."

"I'm sure I would remember."

"Chakotay, I told you."

Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose and Gretchen saw her distress. "Kathryn, Sekaya has been living with us since we found out what happened to Voyager."

Kathryn's hand dropped. "It would've been nice to know," she hissed and missed the upset look on Sekaya's face at her sharp words.

"We thought you did. We told you," Phoebe came to Gretchen and Sekaya's help.

"Not in the letters I got," Chakotay said.

"When did you write it the first time?" Kathryn asked in hope of getting some clarification.

"After my first Voyager get-together."

"Sekaya's first Voyager get-together was the one shortly after Starfleet got message that Voyager was found. We'd been told what happened to you and that you integrated the Maquis into your crew. We had Voyager get-togethers before, but this was the first where the families of the Maquis attended as well. There we met Sekaya. She had no place to go, no one to help her and was seven months pregnant so we took her home with us." Unconsciously Chakotay took Sekaya's hand in silent support as he heard the short version of what she had been through. "When Starfleet told us what happened to Voyager they also told us that we could write letters. They said they could transmit them to you."

"Hirogen," Kathryn and Chakotay said together in realization and some of the confusion faded.

"What?" Sekaya frowned.

"It's likely that your letter didn't come through. We couldn't receive every one," Kathryn said.

"I only received one from Sveta…"

"And I the one from Mark."

"We also wrote you, Katie," Phoebe said.

"I thought so."

Sekaya looked at her brother. "And I wrote what had happened to me but that I was safe because Gretchen and Phoebe were taking care of me."

"Still that doesn't explain why you didn't tell me later," Chakotay complained.

"I'm sorry, Chakotay. I thought you knew. And I'm pretty sure I told you later but I don't know. We were only allowed to write brief letters."

"You could've told _me_ ," Kathryn addressed her mother and sister.

"Maybe," Gretchen shrugged. "But is that important now? You're home safe and sound and for three years we watched out for Sekaya and Chapa."

"Gretchen and Phoebe gave me a home when I needed one, Chakotay. I am forever grateful and you should be too."

Chakotay nodded and laid his arm around his sister's shoulders. "I am."

"Great." Gretchen clapped her hands once. "Chakotay will come with us to Indiana. Oh!" she saw Mrs. Kim walking by. "I need to say hello to Mary. The pie I made from the recipe she gave me was delicious." She looked at her eldest daughter. "You're okay now, Katie?"

Kathryn nodded and Chakotay wondered if he was the only one who could see that she wasn't okay. Gretchen smiled though, and without another word she walked away.

"I need to look after our crew whose families aren't here yet," Kathryn said quietly without looking at Chakotay and his brow furrowed, worried.

"I'll join you."

"We should split up," she said coldly and he felt like being stabbed at her chose of words.

"Okay," he nodded, his mouth suddenly dry.

"We'll see you later," Kathryn said to Phoebe and Sekaya and walked away. Chakotay followed her.

"She doesn't like it that I live at your place," Sekaya said sadly, watching her brother and Kathryn leave.

"It's your home now, too. And Katie will get used to it, trust me."

"Maybe it's time that I move out."

"Nonsense," Phoebe said firmly. "As soon as she meets your adorable son she'll be head over heels in love with him and won't even remember that she was upset at first." Sekaya smiled wryly, not nearly convinced, though Phoebe ended any more discussion by dragging her with her. "Come. I want to meet the Delaney sisters."

For the next hour Kathryn talked to members of her crew who didn't have family or whose family wasn't there yet. She had made sure that they had a place to go to and wouldn't be alone and now she saw that her efforts had been successful. Not one of them seemed sad or lonely. All were happy to be home.

"I'm fine, Captain," Tal Celes repeated her earlier words. "My mother is on her way and until she's here I'm staying with Billy and his family."

"I just want you to know that you can call me or Commander Chakotay any time you need us."

"I know, Captain. Thank you."

Kathryn looked at Tal once more but saw no uncertainty or sadness in her eyes so she squeezed her shoulder, smiled at her and turned around. She was glad that her crew was coping so well but deep within she was in need of distraction. The fact that Chakotay would spend the next two weeks, maybe even more, in Indiana had startled her. To have her first officer and once best friend around would be nice and a good opportunity to mend the rift between them but the prospect of seeing him together with, Kathryn swallowed, Seven in her childhood home was enough to turn her stomach into a knot.

Seeing that her mother and sister were standing alone at the moment gave her hope. Maybe she could get her mother to take the invitation back.

#

"One word," Kathryn hissed at her mother. "One word: Sekaya. Sekaya, your first officer's sister is living with us now."

"That's more than one word," Gretchen rolled her eyes. "And we did tell you."

"Yes, in the letter I never got."

"How could I know that, Kathryn?"

Kathryn rubbed her face and grunted.

"I know it's not easy, Sweetheart," Gretchen soothed her like she was a three year old. "…but things have changed here."

"Still, a little bit more information would've been great, _mother_."

"Hey, don't be mad," Phoebe chimed in, getting angry at how Kathryn spoke to their mother.

"How would you feel if you come home after seven years and nothing is like it was before?" Kathryn snapped.

Gretchen knew the expressions on her daughters' faces too well. They were ready to kill each other and she knew she had to end this right there. "Kathryn, I know that it is hard to adapt…" Phoebe noticed Kathryn flinching at this word. "…but in my household I'm the captain. And I say Chakotay can stay with his sister and nephew as long as he wants." Kathryn knew there was no reason to argue further so she nodded in defeat even if she hadn't even asked what she wanted to ask."If you'll excuse me, there's a newborn baby I want to cuddle."

Gretchen left and meanwhile on the other side of the room Chakotay had a discussion with his sister.

"One word, Sekaya," he whispered. "One word: Janeway. I am living at your captain's childhood home now, Chakotay."

"I told you," Sekaya muttered.

"Yes, in that very first letter but then never again."

"I thought you knew!"

"Well, obviously I didn't."

Chakotay exhaled and pinched the bridge of his nose, something Sekaya had never seen him do.

"What do you think we should do now?"

He dropped his hand to his side and looked openly at his sister. "I'm coming with you, of course," he said calmly without a doubt.

"But it's obvious that Kathryn doesn't like it… or me."

"Hey," he grabbed her shoulders. "I don't know why she reacted the way she did but you're not the reason, okay?" he said firmly. "So much happened during the last few days. It's a lot to take in, especially for her. Just give her some time to calm down."

Sekaya nodded and his hands slid from her shoulders. When he saw that she believed his words a mischievous gleam appeared in his eyes. "It would be nice to hear the whole story about how you ended up with my captain's mother and sister one day," he chuckled.

"I'm going to tell you everything, Chakotay."

"I'm sure you will," his said playfully. "I'll threaten you if I need to."

She put her hands on her hips, her eyes twinkling. "Try."

#

Little by little people started to leave. Kathryn got a hug from every member of her crew and it felt odd to see them leave to places she had never been with people she barely knew.

At one point Gretchen and Phoebe came. "We're leaving now, too, Katie."

"Okay," Kathryn nodded and hugged them both. "It'll take me a while."

"Just make sure that you're home for dinner," Gretchen said with a wink.

"I will," she promised.

They left and Kathryn turned to see that Chakotay was talking to Seven of Nine. Her aunt and his sister were standing next to them and Kathryn couldn't hear what they were talking but he seemed to soothe and reassure her. When he stopped talking, Seven gave him a simple nod and he embraced her for a quick hug. Kathryn couldn't help but feeling a pang of jealousy at the gesture. She wasn't aware that she was staring at them until she noticed that Sekaya was watching her. Embarrassed at being caught, she turned away.

"Sekaya?"

Chakotay brought Sekaya back into present. "Yes?" she said, shaking her head a little to clear her mind.

"We can leave."

"Yes," she said absently and saw Seven and her aunt leaving and Kathryn talking to an Admiral.

Chakotay took her arm and Sekaya wondered about what she just witnessed, though, Chakotay stopped her train of thoughts as soon as they were out of the door. "Sekaya?"

She saw hesitation in his face. "Yes?"

"I should go back."

"Why?" she frowned.

He tugged at his earlobe and although she sensed his distress she couldn't help but smile at the familiar sight. "I used to think that when we got home it would be Kathryn with whom I went to Indiana the first time," he told her honestly. Sekaya suppressed a grin. "Would you be mad if I came later, with her?"

"Of course not, Chakotay. We'll be waiting for you."

"Thank you, sister," he hugged her.

"Thank you, brother."

She walked on to the transporter room and he went back. The room was almost empty and he saw Kathryn saying her good-bye to the Doctor and Lt. Barclay. They started to walk towards him and when he passed them he just gave them a single nod as they had said their good-byes earlier and missed how Kathryn's face fell when she saw that he walked in her direction. "What are you still doing here?" she asked, unnerved.

"I thought we could go home together."

"I have a meeting with Admiral Hayes in an hour."

"I know. I can come with you," he offered.

"There's no need to, Commander. You know he only wants to talk to me."

"Then I'll wait."

"It could take hours. You should go with your sister and meet your nephew."

She was evasive and they both knew it, though he also knew that it was pointless to argue further. "Are you sure?"

She nodded her head. "I am."

He sighed. "I'll see you later, then."

"If I understood my mother correctly I'm sure you will."

He really wanted to know why she was so upset but knew that this wasn't the right time to force the issue. They parted and he walked to the transporter room, hoping to catch Sekaya on the way but she was already gone and a few minutes later he stood in front of a farmhouse in Bloomington, Indiana. Alone.


	2. Chapter 2

Never once had Chakotay imagined that the first time he would come to Indiana would be like this, and his imagination had taken him countless times to this familiar house he had so often seen in pictures. It was, however, much bigger in reality than it was in his imagination. And, of course, he had imagined coming here with Kathryn, both happy to be home or if he would have come alone it would only have been because he wanted to visit her. It had never even crossed his mind that he would stand alone in front Kathryn's childhood home one day to visit his sister and nephew. It wasn't a big surprise to him that it didn't feel right.

Maybe he should've ignored her words and waited for her, he thought. There was a time when he would've done it without thinking and he wondered where that time had gone. He was aware that their friendship had taken damage over their journey, especially in the last few years, though he didn't know why. There wasn't a specific situation that had caused it, it was merely a slow process and he hoped they could reverse this process. To spend the next two weeks in the same house could be a good opportunity, if only Kathryn wouldn't be so shocked that Sekaya lived here.

He shook his head and an ironic smile passed his features. If Sekaya hadn't been living here he wouldn't be staying here either. He would have spent two weeks apart from Kathryn for the first time in seven years. Since he met her.

He shuddered at the thought. He couldn't imagine being apart from her and somehow he was glad that they were being forced together again. If only Kathryn would feel the same.

Maybe he should listen to his own words, he thought. He told Sekaya to give Kathryn time. Maybe he should just do the same.

He nodded at this thought. Yes, he would give her time and space to come to terms with everything. And then they could renew their friendship.

Feeling better, he shifted his attention to the house. A small, neat flowerbed on the right and left side of the porch stairs caught his eye. He was pretty sure those hadn't been in Kathryn's pictures and yet the flowers and how they were arranged had a strange familiarity to him. It was undoubtedly Sekaya's work. She had from the very beginning a particular liking for plant life and loved to work in their garden on Dorvan. He noticed that she actually had planted a shrub which was native to Dorvan and he knew it must've taken a lot of effort to bring it to grow and blossom in this climate.

The house, however, didn't look as well-treated as the flowerbeds. It appeared old, weather-beaten. The paint was peeling off the walls and railing and as he took a close look at the roof his skilled eye immediately saw that there was a lot of work to do. He made a mental note to offer Gretchen his help.

"Chakotay?"

Chakotay spun around. Sekaya was walking toward him, her son's hand firmly in her own, a questioning frown on her face. "What are you doing here? I thought you wanted to wait for Kathryn."

He looked at his feet and tugged at his earlobe. "Yeah, but she didn't want me to wait if I could be here with you."

Sekaya quickly put two and two together. "She sent you away?"

"Yes," he nodded. "It's okay," he assured her when he saw her disappointment. "She wanted me to meet Chapa. She'll come later."

He smiled at his nephew and squatted beside him. Chapa was eyeing him carefully and pressed his little body against his mother's leg.

"Hey," Sekaya said soothingly and knelt down. "This is your uncle Chakotay."

Chapa didn't look too convinced that he had anything to do with the big stranger in front of him and wrapped his arms around his mother's neck.

"Do you remember me, Chapa? We talked a few months ago. It's nice to meet you in person," Chakotay said but decided not to reach out as he seemed to frighten the little boy. "I hope we can be friends."

A shy smile appeared on Chapa's face but then he turned away. Sekaya picked him up and Chakotay rose. "It's amazing," he said with a slight shake of his head after he had accepted that his first meeting with his nephew wasn't as enthusiastic as he thought it would be. "He looks exactly like you."

"Like me?" Sekaya chuckled and ruffled through Chapa's pitch-black hair. "He's the spitting image of you."

"I don't think so." Chakotay tried to take a closer look but Chapa was becoming shy by all this attention and hid his face in his mother's shoulder.

"You'll see," Sekaya said to Chakotay, caressing her son's back. "Shall we go in?"

Chakotay sighed, his shoulders sagged. "Yeah… we probably should."

Together they walked towards the house. Chapa's shyness suddenly evaporated and he started to wriggle so Sekaya let him down. He ran the last steps and climbed the stairs.

"Grandma," he yelled excitedly while pulling his shoes off. "Grandma!"

Chakotay looked at his sister. "He's calling Gretchen 'Grandma'?"

Sekaya nodded hesitantly, uncertain of Chakotay's reaction. "She is as close as he can get to a grandmother. I hope you don't mind."

Chakotay watched his nephew placing his shoes on a little shelf next to the door and swallowed uncomfortably. He didn't know how he should feel. The last few days had been full of surprises, of unexpected turns. Still, he knew Sekaya only wanted the best for her son and he couldn't blame her for giving him a stable childhood home. Though, there was a time when he dreamed that his own children would call Gretchen Janeway Grandma one day, simply because she would be her grandmother.

He knew this thought was dangerous ground, so he quickly put it in a box and stored it away. It had been long ago since he had given this dream up.

Turning, he smiled at Sekaya. "Of course, I don't mind. It's wonderful."

A relieved smile appeared on her face and as they climbed the few steps Gretchen came out of the door.

"Grandma!" Chapa exclaimed happily, blissfully ignoring Chakotay.

"Chapa, my little angel." She bent down and kissed his head. "I hope you had fun today." He nodded excited. "That's great," she smiled and straightened. "Chakotay, welcome to Indiana."

"It's nice to be here. Thank you for letting me stay at your home."

She waved dismissively and gestured inside. "No need to thank me. Now, come in, come in."

She and Chapa walked into the house and Sekaya stopped Chakotay by pointing at the shelf. She slipped out of her shoes and placed them next to her son's and Chakotay grinned and did as he was commanded before he went inside. Stopping in the hall he looked around. So this was where Kathryn Janeway grew up.

He was curious and he knew it, though there wasn't much to see in the dim-lighted hall.

"Chakotay, why are you standing there?" Gretchen called out of the kitchen. "Join us in here. Do you want a coffee? Or a tea?"

He walked into the kitchen. "A tea would be nice, thanks," he said, taking in his surroundings. "You have a wonderful home, Mrs. Janeway."

"That's Gretchen for you," she corrected him while placing an old-fashioned teapot on the stove. "And you don't have to be polite," she said bluntly and his mouth dropped open, astonished. Patting his cheek in a very familiar way, her grey eyes twinkled. "You haven't seen it yet," she explained.

He was taken aback but all he could do was nodding in agreement. She was absolutely right.

"Chapa, why don't you show Chakotay the living room? We will follow shortly." Chapa glanced hesitantly at Chakotay. "There's no need to be shy," Gretchen told him. "I'm sure he would love to see your toys."

Chapa's face lit up at the last word and he slid off his chair. Chakotay smiled at him but Chapa passed his uncle without looking at him and seemed to prefer a safe distance between them. Chakotay followed him, trying to hide his disappointment.

They entered the light-flooded living room and Chakotay noticed how cozy it was despite its size. He instantly liked the large sitting area with various armchairs and a couch in front of a fireplace. Many pictures hung above the fireplace and he would love to take a look but Chapa distracted him by pointing at a corner with boxes on a blanket.

"Is this your place?" he asked and the little boy nodded. "It looks nice. Would you like to show me your toys?" Again, Chapa nodded and walked to the corner, sitting on the blanket and opened one of the boxes. Chakotay followed him and sat down beside him. "What do you have in there?"

Instead of giving an answer, Chakotay noticed that he hadn't said a word to him yet, he turned the box over and a lot of colorful blocks fell out. "Uh, blocks! We could build something."

Chapa looked with wide eyes at Chakotay, obviously surprised that Chakotay was so excited and really intended to play with him and for the first time he smiled genuinely at Chakotay.

When Sekaya and Gretchen entered the living room a few minutes later with tea and cookies, the two boys were playing quietly and Sekaya smiled gratefully at Gretchen who gave her a knowing wink.

=/\=

"Sekaya, why is Chapa so cautious?"

They were standing on the back porch, leaning against the railing, sipping tea and watching insects dancing in the humid air.

Sekaya sighed and looked down in her tea cup. She knew what he was referring to and it made her sad. "Do you want to hear the short or the long story?"

"What's the short story about?"

"I would tell you that he wasn't often around men and when he was, they weren't very gentle to him."

"And the long story?"

"The long story would be how I ended up here and how our life has been since then."

"Then I choose the long one."

"I thought you would." Swirling her tea in her cup, Sekaya smiled sadly. "I always believed that I would stay on Dorvan, would be able to do my job which I loved, meet a man eventually and have a family. The attack, however, changed everything. I lost my footing, my roots and my dreams in a blink of an eye. I know I should have felt lucky to have survived but I didn't. I wanted to be dead too because I didn't see a purpose in my life anymore."

"Why didn't you come to me?"

"Why didn't I come to you?" she repeated disbelievingly. "Why didn't you come to me? You were so… stubborn and outraged. The only thing you had in mind was finding Sveta and seeking revenge. Did you ever think of me?"

He looked down, embarrassed. "I did, but obviously not enough. I'm sorry."

She watched him from the side and sighed. "We shouldn't blame each other. We should be happy that we're both here."

He turned his head, facing her. "That's a good idea," he smiled. "Because I'm very happy to be here." She returned his smile, glad to have him back.

"What did you do after you lost your home?" he asked.

"The years after the attack I was aimlessly wandering around, working here and there. I was suffering survivor's guilt and I don't like to think back because it was the most miserable time in my life. I lived without to live. I felt nothing, I felt numb. I was on a ship to another planet when I heard about your disappearance, though I didn't think it was real. I mean there were rumors about Maquis ships being destroyed every day. It wasn't an unusual thing that they would show up a few days later like nothing had happened.

"You didn't show up a few days later, though. I doubt that I would have sought your guidance if you still had been available but after months I became aware that you were really gone. I felt terrible. I felt alone. There was nothing I could do about it. The war frightened the people all over the quadrant and many of them didn't trust strangers like me so it was getting harder to find work. My desire to go back to Earth grew over the years and when I finally decided to do it the Federation was at war and to travel from planet to planet complicated and dangerous. I was stuck on Risa. I know, I know," she raised her hands, smirking. "I was lucky as there are worse places to be stuck." He smiled and she went on. "It took months to get a passage. I knew our cousin Nilah would let me stay at his place, though I wrote him a letter that I later found out, never arrived. The ship came and I hoped and prayed to get to Earth safely and unharmed. What I didn't expect, though, was to meet a man and get pregnant.

"I met him in the ship's bar. We talked, had some drinks and ended up having a wild love affair that lasted the whole trip. When we arrived at Earth I naively thought that there was something more between us but he yelled and screamed at me, threatened and insulted me in the worst way so that I ran off, ashamed.

"Even though Nilah didn't get my letter he let me live at his house. What I didn't know, however, was that the war had made his thoughts so dark that he had started drinking. He already had a massive alcohol problem when I arrived but I could live with it because, to my own surprise, I found a job quickly and for two months my life was… at least almost, well-ordered. Then I found out that I was pregnant and the card house collapsed anew. I knew that Nilah's place wasn't a suitable environment for a child and I needed to find something else. I moved to San Francisco, closer to my work, but the pregnancy wasn't easy. After the first trimester I had so many physical problems that I couldn't work any longer." She swallowed and looked down. "I felt never so alone in my life."

"What about the father?"

"He didn't even know. I was too ashamed to tell him."

"There are also many facilities…"

"You may have forgotten that we were in the middle of a war and that a lot of women and men had lost their spouses. Many parents were alone with their children and in need of help."

Chakotay looked like he was responsible for all this and she couldn't help but smile. "It'll get better, trust me," she winked and he thought how proud he were that she had survived all this and hadn't lost her humor in the process. "A week before my contract on the apartment ran out, a Starfleet officer knocked at my door. I was confused when he told me to come with him to Starfleet Headquarters immediately. I hadn't had anything to do with Starfleet. The only possible explanation I had was that it must have something to do with you. To be honest I thought I should declare you dead.

"As I walked through the corridor to Admiral Hayes' office I saw other family members of your cell and it confused me even more to see some of them happy. I was ordered into Admiral Hayes' office and when he told me you were alive but on the other side of the galaxy I really thought he was kidding. He assured me that it was confirmed and I didn't know if I should laugh or cry. He said that it was a light in dark times that Voyager was still out there but for me and the situation I was in it wasn't such a bright light and you could've been dead as well. So far away you couldn't help me, though Admiral Hayes was very sensitive and I decided to ask for his help. Before I had the chance to do so he told me that they organized a huge Voyager get-together, a large party to celebrate the finding of the USS Voyager, and I was guided to the very place we were today." A small smile tugged at her lips. "I wasn't even in the room for five minutes when Gretchen came to me and asked me question after question. She soon found out that I was the sister of the man her daughter was sent out to capture and made her first officer and that I was alone and had nowhere to go to. Without asking she ordered Phoebe to help me get my belongings. She was so excited and glowing, whirling around the room, talking to people she didn't know like she knew them forever. I deeply adored her from the very first moment. She has a sixth sense for people in distress and knows how to encourage them and cheer them up."

Chakotay chuckled. "I know this kind."

She faced him. "I really hope I will get to know Kathryn better."

"You will," he said without a doubt.

Sekaya smiled a small smile. "Right after the party Phoebe and I went to get my meager belongings and then we transported here. Both Phoebe and Gretchen were great and cared for me and dragged me to every doctor they knew. I soon felt better and with their help I was able to carry Chapa at least almost to term. Gretchen was with me when I gave birth while Phoebe was as far away as she could be," Sekaya laughed quietly. "She was so scared! Gretchen said she'll never have any grandchildren from Phoebe but now that she knew that Kathryn was still alive she could hope again to have some." She saw an expression on her brother's face she couldn't pinpoint and frowned slightly before going on. "We lived here until Chapa was one and a half years old. Then I decided to write his father a letter. He was delighted and we decided to meet in Paris to talk. He told me that he didn't mean to scare me, that the war wasn't easy on him but it was over and he was free. I really thought he was sincere. We met regularly and after a few months I decided to give him, and us, a chance and moved in with him. In hindsight I should've known that he hadn't changed but how could I know? We lived together until I found out that he was threatening his son, that he yelled and screamed at him like he had done with me and I knew my initial opinion had been right." She saw that Chakotay was getting angry and he opened his mouth to interrupt her but she raised her hand to stop him and went on. "I took Chapa the next night and stood in front of Gretchen's door again. She didn't hesitate to let me in, though she gave Chapa's father a hell of a scare. He will never show up again."

"I'll kill that guy," he snorted nonetheless.

"That's why I'm never going to tell you his name."

"Was he in Starfleet?"

"I'm not going to tell you."

"Did he hit you or Chapa?"

"Never," Sekaya said sincerely. "Though I don't know what would have happened if we had stayed."

"So that's the reason why my nephew is afraid of me."

"Yes. That and because he wasn't around men often. You may have noticed that there's no man in this house. Chapa doesn't have a man he can look up to, someone who shows him how to do it right."

Chakotay faced his sister. "Now he has," he said grimly.

Sekaya closed her eyes in relief for a second and smiled. "I hoped you would say that. He needs it."

"And he deserves it."

"Thank you, Chakotay," she whispered.

He noticed that she was close to tears so he leaned forward and hugged her. "Now I'm here, Sekaya. I will not leave you alone again."

She nodded into his chest, gathering strength from their embrace.

"You know," she said when they pulled back. "It's funny that you came back just now."

"Why?"

"For the first time since our childhood home, since our family had been destroyed I'm living a happy, well-ordered live. Chapa has been going to daycare for four weeks and I have a new job. I'm working at the Indiana University here in Bloomington," she told him proudly. "I'm the campus groundskeeper..."

His face lit up. "You're the University's Boothby?"

She laughed. "You could say so. It's a very satisfying work." She looked at him. "And now you're back…"

"And the truth is, you don't need me," he completed playfully.

She smiled shyly. "Something like that, yes."

"Sekaya, I'm proud that you managed all this."

"It was a hard time but I'm proud too."

"You should be."

Tears threatened again and Chakotay embraced her. "You're a very strong woman, Sekaya, and whether you need me or not, I will be there for you and Chapa."

"Thank you."

He squeezed her to him and they stayed like that for a moment longer.

"Mommy?" a confused voice called her.

She left Chakotay's embrace and saw Chapa standing in the door. "Yes?"

"Grandma making dinner."

"I will go and help her." She wiped her eyes, gave Chakotay a grateful smile and headed for the door.

"Chapa will help Grandma!"

"Why don't we both help her, okay? I will go first and then I'll call you. This way you can play with your Uncle Chakotay now," she added whispering with a wink.

Chapa nodded and Sekaya left for the kitchen.

"Is this your swing?" Chakotay pointed at the old-fashioned swing under a large tree.

Chapa shook his head. "Kathryn's."

The air was sucked from Chakotay's lungs in a rush. The first word Chapa said to him was her name.

"Do you think she'll let us use it?" he asked when he trusted his voice.

Chapa nodded. "Grandma says if I'm careful, I'm allowed to."

"Then we'll be careful."

With only a hint of hesitation Chapa walked over to his uncle and slipped his hand in Chakotay's.

When Sekaya came later onto the porch to call Chapa, she broke into tears. Chapa was dangling upside down from a branch, laughing gleefully while Chakotay was standing beside him, watching out that he didn't fall. He too, was laughing heartily.

Never in his short life had Sekaya heard her son laughing like he was in that moment. She needed some time to get her emotions under control and for a split second she thought she would just let them play but she knew Chapa wouldn't like it if she didn't keep her promise. So as soon as she was ready, she walked across the lawn.

"Mommy, you are upside down!" Chapa giggled.

She looked down to her feet, a deliberately confused expression on her face. Chapa giggled even more. "I'm not upside down."

"Yes, you are!"

"Is Chakotay also upside down?"

Chapa nodded his head, his thick black hair whipping back and forth.

"Must be some sort of anomaly," Chakotay guessed.

"What is an anom-anomo-?" Chapa asked.

"Anomaly."

Chapa didn't repeat the word, he just nodded his head.

Sekaya suppressed a laugh and patted her brother's arm. "Good luck," she whispered.

Chakotay felt the stare of his nephew and thought of a child-friendly description. "It's something unusual; something out of the ordinary…," he started but Chapa seemed satisfied already.

"It's very unusual that you're upside down!" he giggled.

"Yes, it is." Chakotay tickled him and Chapa wriggled with laughter until he fell off the branch and safely into Chakotay's arms.

Sekaya looked into the delighted face of her son. "Do you want to help Grandma, or do you want to stay out here? I'm sure she wouldn't mind."

"Help Grandma!"

He wriggled again and Chakotay let him down. Both Chakotay and Sekaya watched him running into the house.

Chapa had distracted Chakotay very successfully but as soon as he was inside the happiness from Chakotay's face drained away. "She isn't here yet, is she?"

"She isn't."

He turned away, rubbing his face with one hand. "She should be here by now."

"You don't want to hear it but she doesn't like it that I'm here."

He faced his sister. "That is not true. I'm sure she is very proud that her mother gave you a home because she would've done the same." He turned his head, staring at a distant point. "No, something is upsetting her and I don't know what."

"Do you think you can find out?"

A smile tugged at his lips. "Of course I can."

#

Kathryn didn't come within the next hour. Chakotay needed more distraction and he wanted to do something useful to thank Gretchen for her hospitality so without taking no for an answer he joined her in the kitchen. He wasn't surprised that Kathryn hadn't exaggerated when she'd told him her mother was the best cook in the quadrant. Gretchen cooked with fresh vegetables they grew in the backyard and Chakotay's mouth watered from just watching the pots and pans and smelling the sweet smell in the air.

Gretchen told him curtly that he wasn't a big help standing in her way like this and ordered him and Chapa to set the table.

"Come on, that's men's work," Chakotay grinned and handed Chapa two dishes he could carry easily. The work was soon done and when Gretchen came a few minutes later for an inspection she seemed to be pleased. "Good work," she said appreciatively and squeezed Chakotay's arm. For a split second he smiled at the familiar gesture but then his smile faded and he looked sadly at the sixth plate. "She'll be here any second," Gretchen assured him. "She promised to."

He smiled a forced smile and gave her a nod. Gretchen patted his arm encouragingly and went back into the kitchen.

"Kathryn!" she cried out loud.

Alarmed by Gretchen's cry, Chakotay rushed out of the dining room. The front door was standing wide open and he, followed by Phoebe, Sekaya and Chapa, walked out on the porch to see Gretchen running towards Kathryn. She stood on the very same spot where he had stood earlier and her bottom lip was trembling while she looked with tears in her eyes at the house she had missed so much. Chapa, frightened by his grandmother's behavior, tugged at Chakotay's pant leg. Without dropping his gaze he scooped him up in his arms and saw that Gretchen had reached Kathryn and took her into a tight embrace.

Chakotay longed to run, too, and take her in his arms to soothe her and he knew he was jealous. For seven years he had been responsible for Kathryn's well-being, not that she ever was this emotional and troubled, or maybe, he realized, she just didn't show it, but now that they were home it was only natural that she turned to her mother for support. He would've done the same if his mother were still alive. He had to accept that it wasn't his job anymore and he wasn't sure if he liked that it was over. Still, he would try and do what he had told himself and give Kathryn, her mother and her sister, the space they needed.

"We'll wait inside," Phoebe said, causing Chakotay to jerk. He had forgotten they were still standing behind him.

Sekaya wanted to take Chapa but he didn't let go of his uncle.

"It's okay," Chakotay told her and concentrated back on Kathryn and her mother. Sekaya's brows furrowed concerned, though she didn't want to upset Chapa and followed Phoebe into the house.

Gretchen released her hold on her daughter and laid her hands on Kathryn's cheeks. Chakotay couldn't see Gretchen's face but she must've been talking; Kathryn was listening to her, then Gretchen turned around and they walked towards the house; towards him. Kathryn looked tired, weary, her eyes hollow and her shoulders hung. When their eyes met, a ghost of a smile crossed her face and with every step they came closer he became more tensed until she finally stepped onto the porch and stopped in front of him.

"Hi," he choked.

"Hi," she said tiredly and looked at the toddler in his arms. "You must be… Sorry, I forgot your name."

"Chapa," he told her to Chakotay's surprise without hesitation and a wide smile that knocked the air out of Kathryn's lungs.

"Chapa," Kathryn breathed. "That's a nice name. I'm Kathryn."

"I know. Grandma showed me pictures."

Kathryn looked shocked at her mother. "He's calling you 'Grandma'?"

"He does," Gretchen admitted, clearly uncomfortable as she didn't want to upset her daughter more than she already was. "I'm as close to a grandmother as he can get," she shrugged apologizing.

Chapa, oblivious to Kathryn's shock, pointed at her. "It's her swing," he told Chakotay happily.

Chakotay only nodded, while watching the conversation in front of him with increasing interest.

"I know this day was full of surprises, Kathryn dear, and I wish you would've known all this before and would be prepared but I can guarantee that there are some things that will never change. Now come in. Dinner's ready," Gretchen said with a wink.

Kathryn nodded and slipped out of her shoes like it was the most natural thing to do and placed them on the little shelf. She then walked inside and breathed deeply. It smelled of her mother's cooking, though it didn't smell like home. Maybe she had been gone too long to remember, she told herself. Chakotay and Chapa followed her into the dining room where she said hello to her sister and Sekaya. When she looked at the dinner table she was close to tears. "I'll head upstairs and change. You can start," she said, walking backwards.

"We will wait for you, Katie," Gretchen said.

Kathryn retreated hastily and went upstairs. She stopped at the top of the stairs, closed her eyes and breathed deeply to hold back her tears. It took some time and effort but when she had finally composed herself she opened her eyes and saw the door to Phoebe's old room standing open. When they were children it had been a typical girl's room. Stuffed animals, fluffy carpets, butterfly paintings on the pink walls, pink cushions, pink everywhere. Kathryn hated it. Her room had been practical. A bed, a dresser, a desk, a shelf for her trophies. She hadn't allowed herself much distraction. Not even as a child.

Taking a curious look inside, she saw that it was now every inch a boy's room. Blue walls, remote-controlled vehicles, stuffed animals and a starship bed that would make Tom jealous.

Tom, she thought. How were they coping? Was everything all right with him and his father, with B'Elanna and Miral?

She already missed them. Every single one of her crew. For seven years she would have done everything she could to bring them home and now, only about eight hours after they had left Voyager, she would do everything she could to go back home.

Home, she thought. She was home, wasn't she? Then why didn't it feel like home?

She tried to hold back the tears back but this time she failed miserably. They spilled onto her cheeks. No, this didn't feel like home at all.

Looking around with a tear-blurred vision, she noticed framed pictures of Voyager and of Chakotay and her. She picked up one of Voyager and touched her ship with her thumbs.

It seemed that Voyager, Chakotay and she were a big part of Chapa's life and she imagined her mother, Sekaya and Phoebe telling him stories of his uncle and his captain on the ship on the other side of the galaxy. If only she would've been prepared like Chapa was. It would make everything easier.

She placed the frame back on its place, left the room and entered hers. In here nothing had changed and it felt like a sanctuary. She stripped off her jacket and her eyes fell on the bed. The fluffy, warm bed. It would be easy to just lie down and never stand up again.

She feared those thoughts so she quickly grabbed a pair of pants and a sweater and walked out in the corridor.

Happy chattering from downstairs echoed through the house but she didn't feel as happy as the people down there. She went into the bathroom, changed and looked into the mirror. After a happy smile was firmly in place she went downstairs.

The evening passed by without an incident. Kathryn acted like the happy daughter who was happy to be home but it was nothing more than that; an act. She felt like she had fallen into a black hole and she knew she had to hide that well when Chakotay was around. On Voyager he was able to read her moods like a book and she didn't want to cause a debate. She was too tired for that. She was too tired for everything and when she excused herself early no one gave it a second thought, except Chakotay. He worried all evening about her strange behavior and it took all the strength he had to not address it.

The next morning he was shocked to see dark rings under her eyes and he was sure she hadn't had much sleep, just like him. He had tossed and turned the whole night, thinking of her and their crew and Voyager.

To Kathryn's shock, Sekaya and Gretchen had taken the next few days off. Only Phoebe had to go to work and Chapa went to daycare but Kathryn would rather be all alone. She was seeking quietness and solitude but with a house full of people it wasn't possible.

She wandered restlessly through house and garden and decided to go to the old willow tree. As a child that tree gave her the comfort she was seeking and she desperately hoped it would still work, though it didn't. Her thoughts whirled around her crew, around the nameless Starfleet officers on Voyager, of the house that used to be her childhood home and around the fact that Chakotay was dating Seven.

She didn't have the right to feel the way she did, though she couldn't help it. Again, the thought of Seven coming here made her nauseous and she rose quickly. She couldn't sit still, she needed to walk. With straight, determined steps she walked aimlessly through the cornfields. Feeling more and more haunted, she only had one last ace up her sleeve.

#

The kneehole of her father's desk felt familiar, and it smelled familiar. She huddled deep within, listened to her grandfather's old clock and imagined her father was here with her.

When she had entered his study she had noticed to her relief that nothing in here had changed. Everything in this room looked like she remembered it; it looked like her daddy had only left to get himself a cup of coffee and would be back in a minute.

She had loved to sit under his desk as a child while he worked. She had felt close to him; only the two of them.

This day, however, she didn't feel his presence and to sit under the desk made her sadder rather than comforting her. She pulled her knees under her chin and crouched into a ball and this was the way her mother found her hours later.

"Kathryn?" A concerned frown was on Gretchen's face as she pushed back the chair and knelt down. "Kathryn, what are you doing in there?"

"I'm trying to feel at home."

"You are at home, dear."

Kathryn shook her head. "I don't feel at home."

Gretchen sighed. "You shouldn't stress yourself. Give it time."

"You don't understand."

"You were gone for seven years. Things have changed here, and you also have changed. I do understand very well."

"No, you don't."

Gretchen shook her head helplessly, worried about her daughter's behavior. "Come on. Get out of there."

"No."

"Kathryn, you…"

"Grandma!" Chapa called from the hall. "I'm home."

Gretchen turned her head for a second but concentrated back on Kathryn. "Kathryn, you need time to…"

"Grandma?" Chapa called again, now out of the kitchen. "Grandma, where are you?"

She ignored him. "…to adjust."

"Grandma? Grandma?" Chapa ran through the house and Gretchen began to wonder where Sekaya was.

"I don't need time," Kathryn whispered. "I need to feel…"

" _Grandma_?" Chapa's young voice was high pitched, frightened. " _Grandma_?"

Gretchen was torn apart. She knew her daughter needed her but she didn't like to have a toddler running around alone through the house.

"Kathryn…"

"I don't feel anything, Mom," Kathryn whispered

"Kathryn…," Gretchen started but a thump interrupted her. Chapa cried out loud and began to scream.

Without thinking, she rose and left in a hurry.

"There's nothing left," Kathryn whispered.


	3. Chapter 3

Chakotay helped Gretchen repair the back door. It squeaked loudly and the screws were lose and while they worked they joked and laughed and Chakotay remembered how relaxing such a simple life away from Starfleet was.

"Thank you," Gretchen said gratefully when they were done, touching his arm and he smiled at the familiar gesture. Her face paled suddenly as she saw him smiling like, she knew, he only did when her eldest daughter was involved and the tool she was holding fell shattering to the ground.

"Kathryn!" she called out horrified.

Without explanation she ran into her husband's study, squatting in front of his desk but the kneehole was empty. "Kathryn!"

Chakotay, who had followed her, helped her stand up. "What is wrong? What is wrong with Kathryn?"

Tears spilled over her cheeks. "I forgot her! I forgot her and now she's gone."

"What do you mean 'You forgot her'?"

"Kathryn," she sobbed.

"Gretchen, look at me," he said and grabbed her shoulders. "What happened?"

She sniffed. "She sat under her father's desk…"

"She sat under her father's desk?" he asked with a deep frown.

Gretchen nodded. "She used to do that when she was a child. It was a game they played. I found her sitting there… She was so… troubled. She needed me but I… I left because Chapa… Chapa had fallen and hit his head on the table. I needed to get the first aid kit… to treat him… and then I forgot her! I simply forgot her! I'm a terrible mother, Chakotay!"

"You are a great mother."

"I am not. What kind of mother would forget her own daughter?"

"Chapa needed you…"

" _Kathryn_ needed me!"

"We will find her." He swallowed his own bad feeling and switched to command mode. "Did she say why she's so upset?"

"She said she doesn't feel at home."

"Do you know why?"

She shook her head, looking miserable.

"It's okay. We'll find her. Come." They left the study. "Phoebe?" he called out.

"Yes?" she peeked out of the kitchen and her face fell as she saw her mother crying. "Mom, what happened?" She hurried at her side.

"Kathryn…"

Gretchen wasn't able to say more and Phoebe looked with wide eyes at Chakotay.

"We're searching for Kathryn. Have you seen her lately?"

"No," Phoebe shook her head. "I haven't seen her in a while."

Alarmed by hearing the conversation, Sekaya joined them. "Neither have I," she said.

"Maybe she's upstairs. Phoebe would…"

He didn't even need to finish his sentence. With a curt nod Kathryn's sister jumped up the stairs.

"It's my fault," Gretchen cried.

"It's nobody's fault," Chakotay soothed her.

" _It_ _is_ my fault! I should've stayed. I should've talked to her."

"It's not your fault," Sekaya interrupted. "It's mine. She doesn't like it that I'm living here."

"It doesn't matter why she's gone. We need to find her," Chakotay said firmly.

"She's not here," Phoebe informed them when she came downstairs. "And she has left her combagde in her room."

"Where could she have gone?" Sekaya looked expectantly from one to the other.

"I'll go and check the old willow tree," Phoebe said.

Gretchen nodded and wiped her eyes. "I'll hail Starfleet Headquarters."

"Chapa and I will go into town. Maybe she just went for a walk." Sekaya lifted Chapa up and settled him into his carriage. He squirmed and wailed. "We need to find Kathryn. You stay in there," she said firmly.

When Sekaya and Phoebe were gone, Chakotay turned to Gretchen. "Gretchen, does your family own a house at Lake George?"

"Yes," Gretchen nodded, surprised that Chakotay knew about it.

"Could you give me the coordinates?"

"Of course."

He smiled a victorious smile. "We'll find her. Trust me."

She smiled back, gratefully, and gave him the coordinates. He then ordered a beam-out for him to their cabin at Lake George.

When he felt the familiar tingle of the transporter he saw Gretchen turning around and walking to her husband's study. The view changed and he materialized on the green grass in front of a small wooden cabin. He didn't take the time to look around and admire the beautiful nature and the large lake, his mind was focused on finding Kathryn so he hurried inside.

"Kathryn?" he called out into the quiet twilight of the cabin. The curtains were closed and the air was dusty. "Kathryn?" He took the step inside and closed the door. "It's me, Chakotay. Are you here?"

He received no answer so he started to walk through the room slowly. Dust had settled on the untouched furniture and he began to doubt that she was here but he needed to be sure. He walked through a door and found himself in the little kitchen on the other side of the cabin. Here too, dust laid on the untouched counters and the table and chairs. If she was here, she hadn't touched anything. He left the kitchen and opened another door. "Kathryn?" he peeked inside. It was one of the bedrooms. As it had been in the other rooms it was untouched so he walked on. He found another bedroom and a bathroom, though there was no sign of Kathryn.

He left the cabin and sighed. It was obvious that she wasn't here.

He had held high hopes in finding her here but now he needed to pull himself together. He had to think, he told himself. Think of where she could've gone.

He sat on the steps of the patio and rubbed his face. Where would he go if he was in her shoes? Gretchen had said that she didn't feel at home. Where did she feel at home? An unbidden smile tugged at his lips. Voyager. That tiny ship was their home. But Voyager was in orbit; full of Starfleet personnel. He hated the thought that people he didn't know were onboard.

He concentrated back to where Kathryn could be. If she didn't feel at home at home, and she wasn't here there must be another place… He stopped. Maybe it wasn't somewhere, maybe it was someone she needed to feel at home.

A thought occurred to him and he jumped up. It was worth a try.

#

It took some effort to find the place he was looking for but finally he materialized at the right transporter station. With straight steps he emerged and was surprised. It was raining. And not a light summer rain. It was raining heavily.

"Weather…," he grumbled and raised his head to see dark, heavy clouds hovering above the streets. Nonetheless, with no jacket or something useful to protect him from the rain, he started to walk. He wanted to find Kathryn and a little bad weather couldn't keep him from his task.

No soul was out in the rain to ask for the way but he found what he was searching eventually. A nice townhouse in a side street. He tried to imagine her living here but he couldn't.

Wishing himself luck, he took the last few steps and knocked at the door. He was about to make a great first impression, soaking wet as he was, but he was beyond caring. The door opened and he was greeted by a middle-aged woman with wild black hair. "Hello."

"Hello, I'm Commander…"

"Chakotay," she interrupted him. "I know."

He was startled but went on. "It may sound strange but I'm looking for…"

"Your captain?" she interrupted him again, a hint of amusement flickering over her face.

"Yes," he replied irritated. "Is she…?"

"Carla, who is there?" Now a male voice interrupted him.

She turned her head. "It's Commander Chakotay," she said and opened the door wider. The man came into view and Chakotay knew he was at the right place.

"I'm sorry to disturb you…," Chakotay started but was interrupted again.

"You're not disturbing us. We expected you."

"Me?" he frowned. "Does that mean…?"

"She is here." Chakotay felt the tension leaving his body and he sighed relieved. The man reached out and shook Chakotay's wet hand. "I'm Mark."

"Chakotay."

"Come in," Mark said and Chakotay looked down at himself. He stood in a puddle, dripping.

Carla laughed. "Wait a second. I'll get you a towel. You're not the first one we need to get dry today."

Chakotay gave her a grateful smile and waited for her to come back. He didn't like how Mark was scrutinizing him and the way he towered over him. He never imagined Kathryn's former fiancé this tall and if he was honest with himself, it bothered him. As he began to feel more and more uncomfortable he thought of something to say to break the tension. His mind, however, didn't come up with something intelligent so he kept his mouth shut.

Soon Carla came back and handed him a towel, laughing.

"Thank you," he said and dried his face, hair and arms, then pulled his shoes and socks off.

"That's okay," Carla said. "Come in."

She took the towel and he went inside.

"She's in there," Mark pointed at one of the doors. "She's troubled, upset."

"I know," Chakotay said, staring at the door. "That's why I'm here." He faced Mark. "Would you do me a favor and call Gretchen and tell her that Kathryn's here? We were pretty concerned when she was suddenly gone."

Mark gave him a simple nod. "I will."

"Thank you," Chakotay said and opened the door quietly. Immediately he saw Kathryn sitting on a large lounge chair, a distant expression on her face, a furry dog lying across her lap. She looked haunted, traces of dry tears covered her cheeks. He walked in and closed the door.

"Kathryn?" he whispered. She didn't acknowledge him in any way. He wasn't sure if she had heard him. "Kathryn?" he said a little louder. "It's me, Chakotay." Still no reaction from her but the dog raised its head. He walked the few steps to her side and when he reached out to touch her, the dog looked angrily at him and began to growl. He dropped his hand in surrender and knelt down, studying Kathryn's profile. "Please talk to me, Kathryn. Tell me what's wrong. You gave us a hell of a scare and your mother is feeling terribly guilty. She thinks she has disappointed you…"

A strangled sob emerged Kathryn's throat, the first reaction he received. Again he reached out but thought better of it as he glanced at the dog. "You are Molly, aren't you?" Molly waggled her tail when she heard her name. "You're protecting her. I like that. But could you please stop looking at me like you're about to jump at my throat?"

"Molly," Kathryn whispered and with a slight hint of her finger Molly laid her head on Kathryn's lap but continued to watch Chakotay out of the corner of her eyes.

"Thank you," he said to both of them. "Kathryn, would you please talk to me? I would like to help you. Whatever it is that's upsetting you, I'm sure we can find a solution but you need to tell me… or someone else. Do you want to talk to your mother? Or Phoebe? I could call them or a counselor or the Doctor if that's what you want." She was awfully quiet and absent. He wasn't even sure if she was listening to his words. "Kathryn, talk to me," he pleaded, watching her helplessly. "Shall I call your mother?" he tried again. "She's blaming herself. And my sister's blaming herself… Everyone thinks they're responsible that you're upset." She didn't react. "I don't think it's their fault. Is it because of Admiral Janeway? Of what she said? Is it because of Voyager? Are you sad leaving her? Do you feel like you're sliding into depression again?"

It was the smallest of movements that caught his eye. Her lower lip began to quiver and his body grasped the situation before his mind had even the chance to think. She was about to break down. Jumping up, he shoved Molly aside and sat next to Kathryn, taking her in his arms. As soon as her face made contact with his chest she sobbed violently, her body trembling. He reached around her and one of his hands caressed her back soothingly while the other cradled her head, holding her close. "It's okay," he whispered, placing his cheek against her hair. "It's okay. I'm here."

The noises of her sobs filled the air. Never since he met her had she had such an emotional breakdown and while the wetness of the rain mingled with her tears on his shirt he wondered how well she had suppressed her emotions during the years and how much it took for them to break out.

Waiting patiently for her sobs to die down, he whispered soothing words into her hair. Finally she calmed and the trembling subsided and it was suddenly quiet, like the calm after the storm, though he knew they had to work this out. She clung to him a while longer and he knew her well enough to know that she needed a moment to compose herself before she faced him. When she pulled away he saw that her eyes were red and swollen, just like her nose. "I'm sorry," she rasped.

"There's nothing to be sorry about," he said sincerely.

"I guess… I needed it."

"It's healing," he smiled and pushed a strain of hair behind her ear. A lone tear escaped her eye. "Are you feeling better?"

"A little."

"Would you tell me what had caused this?" he asked gently.

Her breathing began to tremble again.

"Is it Gretchen?" he asked, searching her eyes.

She shook her head.

"Or Sekaya?"

She frowned confused. "Why Sekaya?"

"Sekaya thinks the reason that you're so upset is because she lives at your mother's place."

"Are you kidding?!" she blurted out and sat back, glaring at him. He smiled as he saw that she instantly came back to her normal self, even with her disheveled appearance. "Who said that?"

"She did."

"Why?"

"I don't know. It must have been your reaction when they told us about it."

Raising her hand, Kathryn pinched her nose. "I never intended to give her that impression." She dropped her hand and looked at him. "I'm endlessly proud that my mother and sister gave her a home when she needed one."

He smiled, his assumption confirmed. "I know that."

"I'll talk to her."

"I'm sure she would like that." He shifted. "Okay, so if Sekaya isn't the reason. What is it then?"

Kathryn squirmed and looked down.

"Come on, Kathryn, there must be a reason."

"Actually… It's you."

He didn't expect that. "Me?" he choked with wide eyes.

She played with her sweater, coyly.

"Kathryn, would you please explain to me what I've done?"

"Nothing."

He was dumbstruck. "I don't understand."

"You did nothing."

"Kathryn, I don't..."

"I don't need my Mom. Or Phoebe. Or Mark." She looked up, into his eyes. "I need _you_. You're the only one who understands how I feel… how it feels to be on Earth after seven years… how it feels when everyone thinks you're at home but you don't feel at home because your home is in orbit… how it felt to be on Voyager… how it feels to have lost it all…" She swallowed while he tried to process what she had just revealed to him. "And I need you behind me."

This brought him out of his haze. "I'm always standing behind you."

She shook her head and chuckled. "I mean literally. You stood behind me for seven years. I feel like I can't stand on my own anymore."

A mischievous gleam appeared in his eyes. "That's a problem I can solve easily."

"There are just too many changes at a time," she said flustered.

"I understand you perfectly, Kathryn," he said earnestly. "And I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you. I thought you need your family now."

"They don't know a thing."

He nodded in understanding. "How could they?"

"I don't blame them."

"I know."

She raised her eyes to his and smiled a small smile. "Thank you, Chakotay. I know you have a lot to do with your own life…"

"I promised to be there for you. That doesn't change because we're back on Earth…"

"I know, but I don't want to make you feel that I've ordered you to be there for me."

He searched her face. "You're afraid, aren't you?" It was mere a rhetorical question. "You're not in command and you're afraid of losing control."

Tears threatened again and he knew he had hit the nail on the head.

"Kathryn! I will not leave you."

"Your friendship means everything to me!"

"How can I leave you when we are living in the same house?"

It was meant as a joke but tears spilled down her cheeks. "It's the same with a starship."

"What?" Again, she confused and worried him.

"You can lose someone even if you're living in the same house… or on the same starship."

"Kathryn, you're talking in riddles."

She looked down and breathed deeply. She knew she must speak it out loud eventually so better now than later. "The real reason I was upset about you coming to stay was because… I was afraid of… No, afraid is the wrong word… I don't want to… I don't want to see you and… Seven together… in my house."

"Why should…" His mouth dropped open. "Kathryn, why do you think Seven would come to your house to meet me?"

"Because you're dating her."

"Where did you hear that? Because it's wrong."

"I saw you and her yesterday at Headquarters…" There was a hint of anger in her voice.

He needed a moment to recall the situation. "When we said goodbye?" Kathryn nodded. "I told her the same thing as I told every member of our crew, that if she needs you or me, she can call us."

"You gave her a hug."

"I also hugged Harry! That doesn't mean a thing."

"But you dated her."

He sighed. "We had five dates, yes. That was all. How do you know that?"

"Admiral Janeway told me."

He rubbed his face. "I'm sorry you found out this way but the reason why I didn't tell you was simply because it wasn't important enough…"

"Not important enough?" she disbelievingly.

"We never talked about romances," he justified his behavior. "And it wasn't a romance. Seven and I were just spending time together. It wasn't like we were about to marry."

Kathryn's eyes grew wide.

"What?" he asked.

"Admiral Janeway told me you married Seven in her timeline."

"She did?"

"Yes."

"I don't know what happened in her timeline but whatever it was, it won't happen in this one. Seven will go her own way, we will just stand by and help her if she needs us. She also won't come to Indiana unless you're inviting her."

Kathryn knew he was being honest and she exhaled as some of the tension left her body.

"I'm sorry my behavior upset you."

"It was my fault, too."

He took her hands in his, immediately stopping himself from guessing why it upset her in the first place. "And now that I officially have my job of taking care of you back, the first thing I will arrange is that you have a day on your own. Tomorrow morning we'll leave the house and won't come back until…"

"Dinner."

"Dinner?"

"I can't cook on my own."

He laughed. "Okay, until dinner then."

She looked at their joined hands. "Chakotay?" she said quietly.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

He embraced her and she laid her head on his shoulder. They sat for a while until he felt her breath slowing down. "Kathryn?"

"Hmm," she murmured sleepily.

"Don't you fell asleep on me now, I won't carry you home."

"Hmm," she responded just as sleepily.

"Hey." He shook her body slightly and pulled his head back to see if her eyes were open. They were but the past few days finally began to have an effect on her, exhaustion was taking over. "Come, I'll bring you home."

They rose and she was unsteady on her feet. "I feel like pudding," she chuckled.

"That's the exhaustion," he said and tugged his arm firmly around her body. "Kathryn, one more thing," he said seriously and gained her attention. "If I notice that it upsets you that we're living in your mother's house, we'll move out immediately."

"I doubt I will. I'm fine with it, Chakotay, really."

"I just want to make sure that you get your rest. The debriefings will be hard enough."

She nodded. "Thank you."

Satisfied he steadied her and together they made their way out in the corridor, followed by Molly. Mark, his wife and his son came as they heard them.

"Is everything okay?" Mark asked.

"It is. I'm just tired, now," Kathryn said, rubbing her face.

"Thank you," Chakotay reached out, shaking Mark's hand. "We better leave before she falls asleep."

Kathryn squatted next to Mark's son. "Goodbye, Henry."

"Here," he held Molly's leash out to her.

"I don't need it, thank you."

"Molly."

"Yes, that's Molly's leash."

"With you," he encouraged her to take the leash and Kathryn frowned confused. She looked up at Mark and saw his smile.

"She's yours, Kath."

Her face showed her surprise. "I can't take her with me."

"Why not?"

"She belongs to you now."

"No," Mark laughed. "I only watched her and Henry knows she's yours."

She looked at Henry and he nodded his agreement.

"And you?" Kathryn asked Carla.

"To be honest… I'm a cat person."

"Does that mean…"

"With you," Henry repeated and held the leash to Kathryn.

Kathryn looked at Molly who tilted her head to her side. A smile spread out on her face. "I don't know how to thank you."

"You don't need to thank us," Mark said.

"Visit Molly?"

"Of course you can visit her, Henry. Maybe you even want to play with her and Chapa."

"Chapa?" he asked.

"That's Chakotay's nephew. He's three years old."

"Henry three years!" he exclaimed excited.

"Not quite," Carla laughed. "But soon."

Kathryn chuckled and hugged each of them.

"It's good to have you home, Kath," Mark said when it was his turn.

"It's good to be home," she said to Chakotay's surprise.

Mark smiled at her and left to get Molly's belongings.

"You still have her doggie bed?" Kathryn asked astonished when she saw the old, worn out doggie bed in a box with a lot of other things.

"Of course," Mark laughed. "She never wanted to sleep anywhere else."

"We think it reminded her of you," Carla said.

"Give this to me," Chakotay said, taking the box from Mark. It smelled strongly but he knew Kathryn loved the items so he said nothing.

"Thank you so much," Kathryn said and gave each of them another hug. "And I will call you soon," she said to Henry and he nodded firmly.

"Bye."

"Bye."

Carla opened the door and she, her husband and her son watched Kathryn, Chakotay and Molly walking out in the rain.


	4. Chapter 4

Kathryn awoke. The bed was wonderful warm and comfortable and the room still dark. She listened but there was no noise in the air and she silently thanked Chakotay for his idea of a day all by herself. Smiling sleepily, she snuggled deeper into her pillow and slept.

When she woke up next she could see bright light behind the curtains. Stretching lazily, she yawned and rose. Molly, who lay on her doggie bed beside the bed, raised her head and watched Kathryn pushing back the curtains. The sun greeted them both and Kathryn immediately felt the pleasant warmth on her skin.

Without bothering to dress, she gave Molly a signal to follow her and when she opened the door she almost fell over a picnic basket. Smiling, she squatted and took a closer look. The basket was full of food and, to her delight, a large coffee pot. Taking the basket, she made her way through the quiet house and let Molly into the yard. She placed the basket on the porch table and poured herself a cup of coffee. With a smile she leaned against the railing, drank her coffee and watched Molly exploring the garden.

#

She spent the day in blissful silence. After a delicious breakfast she and Molly walked through the high corn fields behind the house and Kathryn thought that this was exactly what she wanted to do after their home-coming; to reconnect with Earth, and eventually with her life on Earth, and she felt finally free enough to do so.

They walked for hours under the clear blue sky and every now and then Kathryn stopped, closed her eyes and raised her face into the warming sun.

She had only one real goal that day, and after taking the picnic basket from the house she and Molly made their way to the old willow tree. Today she took the time to really look at it and it looked like Kathryn remembered it, even the branch she used to sit on as a child was still there. This day, however, she decided to sit on the grass, she wanted to connect with Earth in any possible way, and after sharing a sandwich with Molly, she laid her back against the trunk.

This tree was what she called her thinking tree and so much had happened during the past few days she had to think of. Especially yesterday was a day to remember. She hadn't intended to give her mother such a scare but she couldn't stay in the house either. She had needed to get away quickly.

When she and Chakotay came home, the others were waiting in the living room. She thought the first thing she would do would hug her mother and apologize to her, but Molly had other plans. Happily she ran to Chapa, saying hello, though Chapa backed away, terribly frightened. Molly didn't understand a thing and Kathryn took Chapa and told him that Molly had a little friend just like him and that she only wanted to say hello. He wasn't convinced at first and it took some time and effort but finally he understood that Molly was only being friendly. He still kept his distance but Kathryn was sure that that would change eventually.

She was aware that the others were surprised that she took the initiative but soon their surprise turned into relief. When everyone calmed she turned to her mother. They looked into each other's eyes and words were suddenly unnecessary. They embraced each other and everything was said and done.

She hadn't talked with Sekaya yet, she had been too tired for a deeper conversation, but she intended to do it soon.

Laying her hands on the grass, she played with the blades between her fingers. Molly's furry body was pressed against her leg and she began to snore which caused Kathryn to chuckle.

She closed her eyes and her mind slowly wandered further. A smile came to her lips as she thought of Chakotay. He had taken her wish very seriously and had never left the spot close behind her and occasionally her shoulder touched his chest like it had on Voyager. It felt good and she gathered strength from his proximity even if she had a guilty conscience because she told him to do it, though he never gave her the feeling that he felt uncomfortable and she was glad he did, and endlessly grateful to have a friend like him.

A light breeze played with her hair and she sighed contentedly. This was how it should've been. Resting her head against the trunk, she ultimately fell asleep.

Later that afternoon she lay on the couch, reading a book. A rumbling noise from the front porch caught her attention and she looked up.

"Who is there?"

She heard footsteps and Chakotay came hesitantly through the door. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bother you," he said, sliding his hand through his hair.

"You're not bothering me. What were you doing out there?"

"The transporter officer beamed my stuff down here. Half of it landed in front of the porch, the other half _on_ the porch," he rolled his eyes and she laughed. "I wanted to bring it into the barn."

She nodded and sat up. "How was your day?"

He fully entered the room and sat on the opposite side, sighing. "Strange. I never thought I would be so sad when I vacated my quarters."

"I don't look forward to it either."

"How was your day?" he asked to change the topic.

A content smile lightened her face. "Absolutely perfect."

Her happiness cheered him up. "What did you do?"

"Absolutely nothing."

He chuckled. "That's good to hear. We could leave you alone again tomorrow."

"There's no need to. This day was perfect, but now I prefer some company." She closed the book and laid it away. "How is our crew?"

"No complaints. They're all fine."

"No problems with Seven or the Doctor?"

"No."

"No problems with Seven's regeneration unit?"

"No. Lt. Barclay installed it the way B'Elanna told him to, and you know what, afterwards he and the Doctor stayed overnight."

"Really?" her eyes twinkled delighted.

"They had so much fun and their presence seemed to comfort Seven."

Kathryn nodded. "It's hard to be apart after such a long time."

He took her hand and she didn't give much thought to the exciting tingle that came from the touch. "Lucky for us that our families are living in the same house."

"Very lucky," she smiled.

Not much later Gretchen came home and then Sekaya and Chapa. The house filled with noises and chattering but unlike the previous days Kathryn felt good with all these people around her.

After watching out that Molly didn't greet Chapa too exuberantly, she asked Sekaya to join her on the back porch.

"I'm sorry that I made you feel like you were responsible that I was upset," Kathryn came right to the point.

Sekaya looked down. "I really believed I was the reason. To be honest, I believed that you thought your mother had replaced you with me," she admitted.

"This thought never occurred to me. I'm proud that my mother did what she did."

"Chakotay told me you would feel that way but I didn't believe him."

"You should have because it's the truth."

"He also said you would've done the same."

"Without second thought."

Sekaya was stunned by the determination she saw on Kathryn's face. She could suddenly understand why Chakotay followed her blindly. "Thank you," was all she could say.

"You don't need to thank me," Kathryn said sincerely. "I would like to hear your story one day."

"I'd like to share it with you."

Kathryn gave her a nod and smiled. "You have a wonderful son."

"Thank you. He turned out pretty well…"

"He takes after his uncle."

Sekaya chuckled. "Yes. I'm sure they'll gang up on me one day."

Kathryn laughed. "I'll help you if it comes to that."

Kathryn was distracted by Chakotay who appeared in the doorframe with two wooden baskets in his hands and didn't see how Sekaya watched her from the side.

"We've been ordered to get vegetables," he laughed.

Kathryn pointed at herself. "We?"

"No. We." He gestured at Sekaya. "You've been ordered to go to Phoebe," he said to Kathryn.

"Why?"

"I don't know. Gretchen gave me no further information."

"I'll see to it," she sighed and left.

Sekaya smiled and lead the way to the fenced-in vegetable garden.

"Gretchen said you know what we should get," he said while she opened the gate.

"I do," she said, taking one of the baskets. "You'll get the tomatoes, I'll get the other vegetables."

He nodded and went right to his task.

"It seems that Kathryn is feeling much better now," Sekaya said from across the garden, harvesting a zucchini.

"Yes."

"She's a remarkable woman," she said and watched her brother's reaction closely.

A smile tugged at his lips and she doubted he even was aware of it. "She is," he agreed and put the tomatoes carefully in his basket.

"You like her, don't you?" she asked mischievously.

He knew what she alluding at and answered a little too quickly. "No, I don't."

"You don't like her?" Her eyebrows shot up.

"Of course, I like her. I just don't… like her."

"Ah," she acted like she would understand what this cryptic message meant.

He saw a caterpillar sitting on a leaf and picked it up gently and placed it on a plant outside the vegetable garden. "Look," he said firmly, facing his sister. "We're good friends, okay?"

"Sure," she said nonchalantly, shrugging slightly. Her basket was full and she joined him at the tomato plants.

"What?" he asked, unnerved by her reaction.

"It's just… The way you look at her, the way she looks at you. The happy smile when you talk about her, the happy smile when she talks about you. The way you stare at each other when you think the other isn't looking. It's just…"

"Don't finish that sentence," he warned her.

"Why?"

"Because it isn't the way you think it is."

"I don't think anything."

"She simply needs my presence, that's why she didn't like it that I was seeing Seven."

"What?" Sekaya asked confused.

"The reason why she was upset. Didn't she tell you?"

"No."

His eyes grew wide as he realized what he had just revealed.

"The reason why she was so… troubled, was because you were dating…"

"Seven of Nine. But no, that wasn't the reason," he tried to take his revelation back. "The reason was that she didn't want to see us, together, here at her home."

"That changed everything," Sekaya called out sarcastically.

"You don't understand…"

"That she was jealous? I do understand that perfectly."

He didn't know why her words and behavior bothered him so much. "No, you don't. She wasn't jealous," he snapped, not knowing who he tried to convince, her or himself. "…she simply needs my undivided attention because I know what she's going through right now. Because I'm going through the same ordeal. Not as intensely as she, but still the same."

"You don't look like you're going through some kind of ordeal. I thought you were happy to be home."

"You just gave the answer to your own question."

"Huh?"

"Why Kathryn needs me. Nobody else, not you, not Gretchen, not Phoebe, is able to understand what it means to have a home away from home. No matter how hard our life on Voyager was, it was still our home and our crew our family. You lost your home once, and with it your family, could anyone who didn't have the same experience comprehend what it meant to you?"

Sekaya turned away, hurt.

"See, so don't judge Kathryn's behavior," he said sharply and immediately regretted it. "You can't understand but that's okay, Sekaya," he said gently now. "Neither Kathryn nor I blame you or the others."

She had tears in her eyes and he reached around her, squeezing her body to his.

"I didn't mean to hurt you, little sister," he apologized. "I'm sorry. I know how hard it was for you to lose our parents and your home."

"No, I'm sorry," she sobbed. "I shouldn't have assumed that you and she…"

"It's okay. You're not the first one and I doubt you'll be the last."

At the same time Phoebe and Kathryn entered Phoebe's bedroom.

Kathryn threw her hands in the air. "How did you survive these seven years?" she asked exuberantly and Phoebe chuckled. "She told us to clean up our rooms!" Kathryn said loudly, disbelievingly.

"Once a week," Phoebe grinned.

"How?" Kathryn glanced at her sister, putting her hands on her hips. "How did you survive this?"

Phoebe chuckled again. "I guess I'm used to it."

"Used to it?" Kathryn repeated. "How can you get 'used to it'?"

"To be honest...," Phoebe's face was suddenly serious. "… I thought it helped her. The first few years after your disappearance were hard on her and I just went through everything she came up with. I guess she needed at least one thing she could control."

Kathryn eyes filled with tears and she put her hand over her mouth. "I didn't…"

"It's okay," Phoebe shrugged and started to fold some clothes. "You weren't here."

Kathryn watched her sister and sat down on the bed. "How was the time after Voyager's disappearance?" she asked, her voice trembling.

Phoebe opened a drawer but stopped when she began to talk. "I can't really remember. I know that I had an exhibition to organize."

"Yes, you had. I was invited."

Phoebe faced her sister surprised. "That's right. You and Mark."

"Was he there?"

"I don't know. I wasn't there. My boss hired someone else who organized it for me."

"Why weren't you there?" Kathryn asked even if she didn't want to hear the answer. "It was your art."

"Mom needed me and I also was down-hearted and discouraged. Right after we were told that Voyager was lost we hoped that you would show up again, though after about a month it was obvious that you wouldn't."

"Was that the time you moved in here again?"

Phoebe nodded, laying the clothes in the drawer. "Yes. Mom said the house was too big and too empty. It was big and empty before your disappearance but then it felt even more big and empty." She closed the dresser. "I didn't hesitate when she asked me to. I knew she needed me here." Absentmindedly she walked to her wardrobe. "And I can work anywhere," she said quietly, touching the doors with her fingertips.

"Did you paint a lot in this time?"

"Actually, yes and no."

Kathryn gave a quiet laugh. "What does that mean?"

Phoebe straightened her body and pushed the doors open. "I should've finished some work for a client but I couldn't." She stared at a large pile of paintings on the bottom of the wardrobe. "I was never much into painting stellar phenomenon, much less starships but at this time…" She reached into the wardrobe, taking painting after painting out. "I haven't looked at them since I painted them. I couldn't."

Kathryn gazed with wide, teary eyes at her sister's artwork. Soon the room looked like an exhibition of nebulas, and stars and Voyager.

"Phoebe, they are incredible," Kathryn said, visibly touched as she knelt down to adore the details of a large Voyager painting with a colorful nebula in the background.

"I don't know," Phoebe shrugged, gazing at her own work. "That's not even all."

Kathryn turned her head. "You have more?"

"In the attic."

"I would love to see them."

"Sure. Now?"

"Now? Don't you have…," she gestured at the untidy room.

"Work to do?" Phoebe laughed. "Nah. I think now that you're home I can risk not doing everything Mom says."

Kathryn nodded excited and together they climbed the ladder into the attic.

"God, how long has it been since I was up here?" Kathryn said more to herself than to Phoebe as she took in her surroundings.

"It's been a while."

"Yes."

Phoebe rummaged through small and large boxes until she found what she was looking for. "Here they are. Help me."

Together they carried the large box down the ladder and into Phoebe's room

"They are incredible," Kathryn repeated her words, stunned, as she looked inside.

"If you say so," Phoebe said and took some paintings out.

Kathryn's jaw dropped as she saw a large one of Voyager surrounded by the planets of the solar system in front of a colorful nebula. "This is…"

"Incredible?" Phoebe laughed.

"Yes," Kathryn nodded, laughing with her. "This was my favorite before," she pointed at the one she had adored earlier. "But this is even more brilliant. Can I have it?" she asked, looking at Phoebe.

"Of course you can. We only need to replicate a frame."

"No."

"No?"

"I want to buy one." Kathryn's eyes sparkled, alive.

Phoebe grinned widely. "I love to go shopping."

"I know. Why don't we two go shopping later this week?"

Phoebe nodded excited.

"Great." Kathryn smiled satisfied.

"It's nice to see that you're feeling better," Phoebe said while she began to order her paintings.

"Yeah, today helped a lot."

"Was it only today?"

"What do you mean?" Kathryn asked and helped Phoebe with her paintings.

"I mean the reason that you're feeling better. Surely Chakotay had something to do with it."

"Of course he had. Oh, wipe off that smug grin of yours!" Kathryn told Phoebe when she looked in her face. "It's not what you think."

"I don't think anything."

"You read too many romance novels."

"It's funny. I simply said that Chakotay had something to do with your lightened mood and you jump to romance in no time."

"No, I didn't. But it was written all over your face what you were thinking."

"Aha, what did I think then?"

"That Chakotay and I…"

"What, Kathryn?" Phoebe had too much fun with seeing her sister flustered.

"Nothing." Kathryn straightened her back. "And to answer your question: Yes, he had something to do with my lightened mood. He's my best friend and he knows what I need."

"It's great to have such a friend," Phoebe said, grinning widely, and turned away. "A friend who knows what you need…"

"Oh, stop it;" Kathryn glared at her sister. "Just because we fixed our friendship doesn't mean there's something more."

"If you say so," Phoebe shrugged. "But then… why is your mouth hanging open every time you watch him playing with Chapa?"

Without waiting for a reply Phoebe stalked out of the room and left a stunned Kathryn behind. "My mouth isn't…," she started but it was pointless. Phoebe was gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Phoebe's words had, even if Kathryn hated and denied it, an effect on her. She noticed that she was indeed staring at Chakotay when he played or cuddled or simply held Chapa and that her mouth was hanging open every single time. It made her edgy and tense and she tried her best to stop this behavior because she feared that someone else would notice.

On the next day, when the house was quiet for a change, she slipped into her father's study. Feeling giddy like a child at Christmas, she dropped to her knees and crawled under the desk. She imaged Chakotay's reaction if he had ever found her hiding under her ready room desk and she was sure he would have thought that she was crazy. Maybe she was crazy even now, but she needed to do this, she needed to feel it.

She listened to the steady tick-tock of her grandfather's clock and imagined her father was here with her. To her relief, she could feel him; could feel his presence.

"Daddy," she whispered. "I'm home."

She laid her chin on her knees and simply let the happy feeling float through her body.

The noise of little feet echoed through the hall and she smiled when she heard the door open. "Kathryn?" Chapa said quietly and she could hear the frown in his voice. "Kathryn?"

Huddling deeper, she tried to be as still as she could and heard him entering the room and surrounding the desk. She knew she was far from invisible but put her hands over her face to tease him.

"Kathryn!" Chapa exclaimed excited and questioning at the same time when he found her.

She dropped her hands and leaped forward, tickling him. He laughed happily and when she stopped he sat down beside her, mimicking her posture.

"Kathryn, why you sit here?"

"I did it when I was a child."

"Why?"

"It was an opportunity to be close to my daddy."

A shadow crossed his young face and she could kick herself.

"You like your daddy?"

"I did. To be honest I liked him very much."

"Your daddy nice?"

"He was a very nice man, very gentle and funny."

"My daddy not so nice."

She laid her arm around his shoulder, squeezing him to her. "I know. I'm sorry."

Chakotay entered the room, unnoticed. He had heard Chapa laughing and was curious what the two of them were doing in here. He frowned as he heard them talking and needed a moment to realize that they were sitting under the desk.

"But you have a wonderful mommy who loves you very much…," Kathryn said.

"And uncle Chakotay. Uncle Chakotay is very nice!"

His confession put a smile on Chakotay's face. It was good to know that he liked him even if he couldn't show it every time.

"Yes, your uncle Chakotay is a nice and gentle man."

"He plays with me. Daddy never played with me. Daddy only angry. Mommy says Daddy not angry at me, but he wasn't nice. He yelled at me."

Kathryn felt honored that he told her all this but she didn't know how to respond. She didn't have much experience with children.

"He shouldn't have done that. But your mommy is right, he wasn't angry at you and now you should be happy that you have such a nice family."

"Grandma!"

"Yes."

"And Phoebe, and you!"

"Yes, we are all part of your family."

"Kathryn?" He looked at her expectantly.

"Yes?"

"What did your daddy do when you sat here?"

Kathryn smiled. "It was a game we played."

That certainly had Chapa's attention. "A game?" he asked with wide, curious eyes.

"A game," she nodded. "I used to sit here as quiet and still as I could while my daddy was working." She pointed at the desk chair. "I practiced for our games or just listened to his shuffling on the desk or my grandfather's old clock." She got quiet and listened. "Do you hear that? The tick-tock?"

Chapa listened carefully and nodded.

"Every fifteen minutes the clock rang and I waited and waited. Sometimes he was done early, sometimes it took longer but I knew it was worth the waiting because when he was done he would search for me in his study and as soon as he found me in my hiding spot he whirled me around. Then I had to win three of his games to get more rides."

"Did you?" he asked with interest.

"Every time, and then I got more rides and if I was really smart he went with me into the corn fields. I loved to spend time with my daddy. I miss him."

Chapa pressed his body to her, giving her comfort. "You could also play with Chakotay!"

Chakotay suppressed a cough and his throat was tight while he waited for Kathryn's response. What he couldn't see was that Kathryn tried to make a neutral face. "That's a nice idea," she said, her voice sounded strangled.

Chakotay thought that it was time for him to leave but when he turned, one of the wooden panels squeaked.

Chapa looked with wide eyes at Kathryn. She put one finger over her mouth, keeping him quiet.

Chakotay thought of leaving or playing their game. He decided to make them happy and play their game. "I thought I heard voices, didn't I?" he said loudly with a confused voice.

Chapa hold back an excited giggle as they listened to Chakotay's footsteps. "Are they behind the curtains? No, not there. Hmm." More footsteps. "Where could they be? Disappeared out of the window? No the windows are closed." The footsteps came closer and Chapa was already bursting with excitement and Kathryn showed him he should put his hands over his face.

"Ah! Here they are!"

Chapa burst into delighted giggles as Chakotay dove under the desk and picked him up to whirl him around. "No!" Chapa shrieked. "A game first!"

Chakotay let him to the ground and raised an eyebrow. "A game first?"

Chapa nodded at him and Kathryn, who had emerged from under the desk.

"I think you're a little too young for a game," Chakotay said.

"No!"

"Kathryn, what do you think?"

"Hm, I think we should give him a chance."

"Yes!" Chapa nodded.

"Okay, if you think you're ready." Kathryn and Chakotay knelt down beside him. "You have to win three times to win a ride."

Chapa nodded, his brown eyes bright with attention. "Two plus two," Kathryn said.

Chapa needed a moment before he had the answer. "Four!"

"That's absolutely right. Okay, next one. Three plus one."

This time the answer came immediately. "Four!"

"Again, that's right. Only one left. Are you ready?"

"Yes," Chapa nodded.

"Four plus two."

Chapa frowned. Kathryn and Chakotay saw how his brain worked and shortly before he answered, Kathryn thought that it was too hard. "Six?"

"Is that a question or an answer?"

"Six!"

Kathryn turned her head to look at Chakotay and Chapa watched them nervously.

"That's absolutely right," Kathryn said and in the same moment Chakotay jumped up and raised Chapa in the air, whirling him around. Chapa laughed and giggled and shrieked and Kathryn was too distracted to notice that she was staring with an open mouth.

"Kathryn!" Chapa eventually exclaimed out of breath between giggles and laughter. "Kathryn's turn!"

Chakotay let him down. "It's Kathryn's turn?"

He nodded. "Kathryn wants to play too!"

Kathryn blushed to a deep red and tried to hide it when Chakotay looked at her. "Okay," he said, appearing unaware of her tension. "We only need someone to make the games."

"Chapa!" Chapa called out immediately.

"But they have to be very, _very_ hard."

Chapa nodded dutifully and turned to Kathryn. "Kathryn, thirty-two plus forty-nine."

He only knew the numbers until fifty and this was, at least for him, the hardest he could come up with. Kathryn was glad, as she was having trouble concentrating. "Hm," she put on a strained face. "That is very hard." She rubbed her chin. "Let's see, thirty plus forty is seventy. Seventy plus two is seventy-two and seventy-two plus nine is…" She used her fingers to count. "Seventy-nine… Eighty," she mumbled. "Eighty-one!"

"Is that your answer?" Chapa asked like she had earlier.

"Yes it is."

He looked at Chakotay for confirmation and when he nodded Chapa turned to Kathryn. "That is right!" Kathryn smiled happily. "Two more and you win a ride," Chapa said and Kathryn debated with herself whether she should solve at least one of them wrong. The thought of being whirled around by Chakotay made her toes curl. And not in a bad way. "Twenty-one plus sixteen," Chapa distracted her thoughts.

"That's easy. Thirty-seven."

Again, Chapa looked at Chakotay and he nodded.

"That's right," Chapa hopped up and down before his face grew stern. "You only need to have one right but the last one is very… _very_ hard!" he said with a serious tone to Kathryn.

"Okay. I'm ready."

"Forty-seven plus fifty-twelve!"

Kathryn suppressed a chuckle and tried not to look at Chakotay who seemed to be barely able to hold back his laughter. "Oh, that's really very, _very_ hard," she said, matching Chapa's serious tone. "I don't know if I can solve this."

"You need to if you want to win the ride."

"Forty-seven plus fifty-twelve, huh?" Chapa nodded, unyielding. "I'll try my best." She got quiet for a moment and while she looked on the outside as if she was counting she was further debating with herself but decided to solve it correctly to make Chapa happy. "I don't know…," she said uncertainly. "Could it be… one hundred and nine?"

Chapa looked at Chakotay and Kathryn saw that he was trying to figure out the answer himself. Finally he gave Chapa a nod. "That is right!" Chapa clapped excited.

Before Kathryn had the chance to comprehend what had just happened Chakotay grabbed her and her feet left the ground. She couldn't do anything other than laugh out loud as he whirled her around. She soon felt giddy and exhilarated, memories of her childhood were flashing through her mind as the room danced in front of her eyes and Chapa's excited young voice rang in her ears.

Too soon for her liking, Chakotay let her down slowly and time suddenly stood still as she became aware of how her body was pressed against his. Their eyes locked and the air was charged, the world around faded.

She wondered how long it had been since she had looked into his eyes like this. Too long was all her foggy mind could come up with; way too long.

"You happy now, Kathryn?" Chapa asked from their side, breaking the spell.

They parted slowly, hesitantly, and Kathryn cleared her throat.

"Yes," she said with a husky voice. "It was… exciting."

#

Kathryn successfully avoided Chakotay during the following hours. Their little encounter in her father's study had made her even more tense and jumpy and she needed solitude to calm down and regain control of herself. She felt like a nervous wreck and swore silently at her sister, and maybe, when Phoebe got home, would also do it out loud.

She walked to the willow tree and, standing ramrod straight with her arms crossed in front of her, watched the cornfields swaying in the wind. It soothed her nerves, though not her mind and it came up with the wildest images and thoughts, every one related to Chakotay and especially the look in his eyes when they had stared at each other. It was a raw look, like a fire burning inside and she felt drawn towards its heat.

She shook her head. She was ridiculous, she told herself. He had moved on long ago and even if he was still in… still liked her in a romantic way, that didn't mean that she was reciprocating his feelings.

She rubbed her face and her stance relaxed a bit. Who was she kidding? She was in love with him, probably from the moment she first laid eyes on him, though that didn't mean that she had to act on those feelings. She hadn't done it for seven years after all. So why should she change it now?

An unbidden smile came to her lips. Because she was free now. Free to do whatever she pleased. And so was he.

But what if her surmise was wrong? What if he didn't share her feelings? Could she survive being rejected by him? Would it perhaps damage their friendship beyond repair? Her mental health wasn't too well at the moment. Could she risk it further?

She sighed. She had been so sure that he had moved on, it would've made everything easier as she wasn't well versed at handling emotions. Not somebody else's and frankly not her own.

She decided that she needed more time to think; more time to make a decision.

"Kathryn?"

She jumped and spun around. "Yes?"

Chakotay was walking towards her position, a questioning frown on his face. "You disappeared rather quickly earlier," he said, stopping next to her. "Is everything all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine."

She could see that he didn't buy it. "You're not," he said and she knew that at least this surmise had been correct. "To be precise, you're far from fine."

"It's nothing, Chakotay," she waved dismissively.

"Is it because of us?"

Her eyes widened. " _Us_?" she breathed.

"Sekaya, Chapa and I."

"Oh… that us," she murmured. "No, no, you're not the reason."

She was nervous and he could easily tell that this was a lie. "No, Kathryn, you don't have to do this. You're still upset and that means we'll move out immediately."

"No!"

"We had an agreement. And I'm going to keep it."

"You also said you would be there for me."

"Yes, and I'll be available day and night but you need to rest. We'll move out." He turned without waiting for a response and walked with determined steps away.

"Wait!" she said loudly, coming after him. "Chakotay, wait." She reached him and grabbed his arm. "You can't just leave now."

He stopped, turning to her. "I can. I'll move to the quarters Starfleet gave me. I'm sure Sekaya is allowed to move in with me in until she has found a new place to stay. I'll get my stuff later."

"You don't need to move out."

"Kathryn, you need your rest."

"Rest is the last thing I need."

She gasped as she registered what she had just said.

"Kathryn?" he asked questioningly, not daring to hope that her words meant what he thought they meant.

She sighed and her shoulders sagged, the tension leaving her body. It seemed that the time to think was up as the thought of watching him leave was far worse than the risk of telling him. "Stay. Please stay."

"Why do you want me to stay?" he asked quietly.

She breathed long and deep. "I want you to stay… because of me."

The open look on her face stunned him. Could Sekaya be right? Could it really have meant something more that Kathryn didn't like seeing him together with Seven? No, this couldn't be true, he told himself, but the open look started to mingle with uncertainty and vulnerability and he wasn't so sure anymore.

He suddenly became aware that the woman in front of him was the woman he met on New Earth; the woman he only caught glimpses of in quiet times throughout their journey. It was Kathryn's turn now, he realized, the captain is taking the backseat. They had reversed places over the last few days.

He chuckled that he hadn't noticed earlier.

"What's so funny?"

She was cute, he thought, standing in front of him, hands on her hips, demanding an answer.

"Nothing," he shook his head but he saw that she getting anxious and he knew he had to tell her. "I just noticed that you aren't the captain anymore."

She frowned, confused. "What does that mean?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I just realized it."

"And will you stay?"

"I need to hear it."

"What do you need to hear?"

"The reason. The reason why you want me to stay."

"Isn't it obvious?"

"I don't know for sure. I need to hear you say it."

Shyly she avoided his gaze.

"Come on, it's not so hard," he encouraged her.

"For me, it is," she said, fidgeting.

"Okay, then I'll start." He closed the space between them and put his arms around her waist. "Kathryn, I love you."

Her heart skipped several beats and her eyes filled with tears. "After all these years, after all we've been through I really thought it was too late."

"It's never too late." She laid her head to the side, giving him a light version of her death glare and somehow he was glad that his fiery captain was still there behind this vulnerable woman. "To be honest, I thought so too," he admitted.

She smiled up at him and laid her arms around his neck. "What happens now?"

"First you need to tell me how you feel."

"Do I really have to say it?"

"Yes."

She breathed deeply. "Chakotay, I love you."

"Was it so hard?" he teased her.

She raised an eyebrow. "Actually… no. I should've done it years ago," she teased him back.

Laughing, he picked her up and whirled her around until she too, was laughing happily.

After he had let her down, she looked at him. "I'm glad my mother didn't listen to me when I tried to talk her out of letting you stay here," she said.

"You tried?"

She nodded sheepishly. "Yes, and you know what she said?" He shook his head. "She said that she's the captain in this household and you're going to stay as long as you want to."

He laughed with twinkling eyes and his hands wandered down to rest on her rear end. "How does forever sound?" She shook her head and he looked hurt. "No?"

"There's not enough space in this house for two captains."

He chuckled, relieved. "Then we need to have our own house. But it won't stand further than that, okay?" He pointed to the border of their property.

"Sounds fair," she smiled up at him. "You know… we're making plans for a life together and haven't even kissed yet, much less…"

He pulled her head to his and kissed her soundly. Any coherent thought left her mind as he nibbled at her bottom lip and his tongue gently slipped into her mouth.

"As for the other thing…," he breathed against her mouth after they had parted. "I doubt we'll find a quiet place here."

"I know something," she pulled back slightly to look into his eyes. "I often dreamed of taking you to our cabin at Lake George…"

He started to tug at his earlobe with his right hand while the other held her close. "I… I was already there."

"You have been to Lake George?"

"Yes. Two days ago. I thought you went there to be alone."

She was disappointed. "I always thought we would go there together the first time."

"I haven't seen much, except that it needs to be cleaned up."

"Then we'll do it," she said, far too happy to be disappointed for longer.

"Do you think we'll have enough time to clean up once were there?" he asked wickedly.

"We'll see," she said just as wickedly.

He couldn't resist the sexy look on her face and kissed her again.

"You know, I always thought you would take me here the first time I ever came to Indiana," he said, resting his forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry I was so cold."

"It's okay."

"No, it wasn't." She had an idea and extracted herself from his arms. "Come with me," she said excited, grabbing his hand and pulling him with her.

"Kathryn…"

"Come on," she tugged at his hand and they hurried around the garden.

"Kathryn…"

"Come."

She stopped when the house was out of sight. "Kathryn…?"

"We'll start again."

"What?"

"We'll do it again."

"What?"

"Coming here."

He smiled and squeezed her hand. "I like that."

She looked at the path that lead to the house. "I wonder how our families will react to this… change."

"Our families are so tied together… I bet we'll receive a lot of 'I told you so's and 'It's about time's."

She laughed happily. "That sounds about right. Phoebe already noticed my feelings for you."

"And Sekaya mine for you."

She looked deep into his eyes. "I'm glad I wasn't able to stop loving you."

"So am I."

They smiled at each other and after giving him a quick kiss, she turned. "Now come. It's time to go home."

With that she linked her fingers with his and hand in hand they walked up the path to the old farmhouse of her past and into their future.

 _The End_


End file.
